No one is going to read this but I do not know what to do. Today, after 3 weeks of gliding under the radar after the cutoff notice and subsisting on dailup speeds, my Internet was finally cut off.
I have a phone - and an unlimited data plan to boot so luckily I still have some Internet access but not nearly the computation power for all the ridiculous amounts of things that I must get done. I live with my parents. I have no job and am currently job searching. Unfortunately, it is nearly impossible to apply anywhere with out a stable Internet connection and a computer is pretty damn necessary, too. I need to apply for scholarship, for loans. I need to buy books for school. I need to do my Isep application (and raise money to go abroad, which is the initial reason I was going to try to get a job). I don’t have a car to drive my sorry ass to the public library to borrow free wifi and all of the meager saving I have amounts to the amount my parents owe. And that’s just the Internet bill. We owe fuck tons - my sister broke her leg a few months back and we get collection notices daily. We owe the hospital something like $10000 and haven’t even started paying in that. We routinely get cutoff notices for all manner of utilities - this week it was water. My mom only makes enough money to pay for the ridiculous phone bill and her car payment. My dad - a highschool dropout - makes pretty good money (nearly $20 dollars an hour) But has to pay our mortgage ($810 a month) and spends the rest on the money on excises ($90 of booze and cigarettes minimum a week, increasing since my grandmas’ - plural - health is declining) and frivolous shit like gun parts and guitar accessories. He can’t even fucking play guitar but he’s 10 years strong on the midlife crisis mobile. Despite the fact he knows that we have jack shit for money and can’t pay bills he insisted on paying $200 for my youngest sisters birthday to get her a guitar and amp because she showed the slightest bit of interest in learning which is cool I guess but we have no fucking money and we have like 3 shitty electric guitars an acoustic guitar laying around that she could learn on just as easily not to mention a stockpile of amps and my dad buys fucking top of the line shit and squirrels it in his room despite only being able to pretend to maybe replicate chords. I don’t think I’ve ever heard him play anything that even vaguely remotely sounded anything like music even though he’s been at it, blasting his shitty guitar full volume on a nice ass amp at 11 pm for the past decade. And that’s what he spends his money on. Not bills, not -god forbid - food to feed his family (including four kids though in the yea of the government, there’s only one that matters and that’s my 10 year old sister. Fuck rest of us - my 17 year old sister who just dropped out of highschool and is trying to pay her way to community college sans parental involvement, my 22 year old brother who had to move back in after surgery for a detached retina and who is not finally in college after floundering for 3 years after graduating highschool and myself - who is 19 and about to start my junior year of college and who cannot even find a fucking part time shitfest of a job much less find a decent but required unpaid internship). We have no internet but $90 dollars weekly for my dad get drunk on cheap nasty light beer and wail on his shitty guitar at assfuck o’clock is a perfectly acceptable fee. I just don’t know what to do and